Sunday, October 17, 2010

On brass and self-esteem

It is so hard to write a paper when my sources are in textbooks, sheets of other paper, notes from lectures, and online. I'm stuck on the type of L1 assessment used with my case study student for my ELD student/site profile. I can't find the sheet that says what kinds were available. Wah. Why is teacher school so hard? The actual work, the papers, the assignments are nothing. The means of doing them is so frustrating. Turn it in online, print it out, you can hand-write this one, e-mail your partner and print it to turn it in. Not everyone has Internet in their friggen house! I am in the library which is usually an amazing place to get work done, but it's freezing in here. Wahhh!

Last night was amazing. The Symphonic Band and Jazz Orchestra had their split mid-semester concert. After nine semesters of playing in Symphonic Band, it was so nice to just sit in the audience and watch. I remember being so stressed out playing those things, thinking, "I'm out of tune! The section isn't blending! We're all out of tune! The piccolo is flat! Everyone's gonna notice!" But watching the group was amazing. It sounded so good!

I played for three of the six jazz orchestra charts, which I realize now is not a good distribution because I can only make one out of the four hours of rehearsal. That's okay, it was fun. And my trumpet professor finally saw it! He never sees the jazz orchestra concerts! Backstage, he said, "Yay trumpets! What good tones!" It made me happy.

And the after party was the first party I'd been to in a long time where I really had a good time. It's because there were so many trumpet players around, and so many nice band people and friends. It was also a birthday party for the three guys who live in that house, and there was a cake with a happy-looking caterpillar. Some of the younger guys said to me, "Stephy! You make me so happy! You are like that caterpillar--if you were a caterpillar, you'd be that caterpillar!"

Then I turned to an older friend (who I used to kind of have a crush on, who plays trumpet next to me in brass band) and said, "Those guys think I'm that caterpillar. Isn't that silly?" And he shook his head and said, "Stephy. You're a butterfly." I smiled and he said, "You don't give yourself enough credit! You're a fucking woodwind player who plays first cornet with those guys"--he pointed to the top trumpet players at the school--"and me. And you know what? I'm so honored I get to play next to you."

I sure wish I could find my list of the nicest things people have ever said to me, because that would make it. Also, earlier in the day, I was walking to the Farmer's Market and a random guy leaning by a wall said to me, "That's a great smile. You've just made my day better."

Yesterday was a good day for my self-esteem. Now I think I should move out of the library and try to do some of this work on paper. I may just be a successful human being yet.


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