Sunday, November 21, 2010

Laundry day post

It's Thanksgiving break, finally. My plans? None. What am I doing all day for nine days? I don't know. Yesterday I impulsively decided to play trumpet in the pep band for a basketball game. Apparently I wasn't the only one to make this impulsive decision. One of my friends from brass band, whom I had known before because we'd played in this pep band forever ago together and have both actually been the respective leaders of it once upon a time, showed up as well.

"How long has it been since your last gig?" I asked him at one point, about playing in this particular group. "I don't think I've played one in about a year."

"I don't even know," he said. "Oh wait! I played at a football game a few months ago."

So there we were, playing together like old times. Once upon a time, I had a crush on this guy. My soul would smile a sheepish grin every time he complimented my tone. Then he went to Europe for awhile, and I moved on, and had a slightly more substantial crush on the trumpet player I played next to in brass band last year, the subject of a few posts ago. (Me and trumpet players! I don't know!) Then, this semester, the subject of a few posts ago was occupied in that hour, and this first guy was sitting next to me. At first I was a little disappointed--I'd built up a great friendship with the other guy, and really liked playing next to him because he was nice and we were always in tune.

But then, during the concert, I remembered why I had liked playing with my friend (dude #1) so much in the past. We don't just play in tune. We play in tone. We blend together like no other. And we both appreciate each other for that so much. The other guy, yes, we sounded good together as well. And he appreciated my sound, yes, and I appreciated his. But he didn't need me as much. The first one and I, we complete each other.

I was feeling that last night at the game. And so was he. "I'm so glad I get to play next to you!" he would say. "I'm so glad I get to play next to you!" I would reply.

He told me his mom saw me at the brass band concert and asked, "Who's that pretty girl next to you?" I smiled. He said his mom asks about me when she calls now. Our other friend said, "She's shopping for a daughter-in-law!" I didn't know how to react, because I don't always feel platonically for this guy. I just nervously laughed. I don't know what knowing that someone's mom thinks I'm pretty means. Should I be grateful that someone does? Why does that matter? Why would he choose to share that with me if he didn't agree?

All I want is to share a connection with someone who appreciates my mind and loves me for it. And if they think I'm pretty, that's cool too. I really wish I were closer to this person. We always have a great time together, and appreciate each other's ways of being. And we're so musically connected. How can we ignore that?


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Pros and Cons of the Week So Far

  • Got a 30/30 on my ELL student/site profile. That's good. I agree that it was amazing work. I'm glad it paid off.
  • Got a new bed yesterday. It's really high up and comfy. I slept so well last night. It's amazing what raising the elevation of your sleeping area does. And it's so big!
  • I talked to my dad yesterday.
  • I talked to my mom yesterday, too.
  • My friend (subject of last blog) gave me a really nice hug yesterday. He smells like rain. We watched fun French music videos after.
  • I played some amazing brass music (the Pinkham Christmas Cantata).
  • I found out that I still remember how to play trombone, and I led a trombone sectional at my school site.
  • I got a free muffin because my friend works at the bagel place.
  • Got a 1/3 on my first Service Learning log. I was looking at the rubric the whole time I was writing it. I know I had a few things that were a 3. Can't we just have an average? I thought. I cried for hours.
  • My cat still has fleas. I wish it would get better.
  • The reason I talked to both of my parents last night is because my sister tried to commit suicide. Not implied it...not faking. She really tried. I don't know what to think about this.
  • That's also the reason my friend gave me a hug.
  • I was late to the Pinkham cantata rehearsal. I thought it was at 8, and it turns out there was a 7:00 rehearsal for brass only. I ran in, totally confused, totally ashamed and embarrassed that I had gotten the time wrong.
  • Content Area Literacy is a ridiculous class, in which we were just assigned a group project, in groups organized by content area. Too bad I'm the only person in my content area. The sad part is, I know it's an important class. The teacher is just really terrible.
  • I took one bite of the muffin and felt something hard between my teeth. It was really, really hard, so I spit it out. I found bits of glass in my hand. I showed my friend. He said he'll tell the bakers about it. I said he should probably get rid of the other muffin, and he agreed and did so. Good thing I didn't have to pay for it. And good thing I chew my food. This is obviously a sign that I should eat fewer muffins.
It's a beautiful afternoon and I don't really know what to do with myself. I think I'll go for a walk downtown, and think about buying things, but not actually buy anything because I have no money.