Monday, August 17, 2009


Well, I took a risk for once and it blew up in my face--not in a cool way like Mount Vesuvius, but in a slow-flowing lava way, painful truths and chunks of thought gushing out of me and to me. It sucks. I'm so jealous of my classmates who are together. I'm jealous of my roommates who are together, and my younger sisters who have both been with someone, and both my parents who are with other people. I actually found a person whom I thought related really well to me, and reached out to him, went out of my way to see him which I almost NEVER do even with my closest friends...he doesn't want something I don't even know enough about to know if I want or don't want it.

I just want to fucking know what it's like for once! Labels are cheap. I don't want a "relationship." I want a nice friend who cares for me and thinks about me, won't judge me or say "You're SO [insert quirky adjective]" (which I can't stand) whom I can feel physically close to. I want an unconditional friend who can make me laugh and give me something to think about. I want to mean a lot to someone who means a lot to me.

Ugh, this sucks. Welcome to being 22, entering a fifth year of college. I guess I'll just be a really good musician instead.

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